The Squirrels of Wild Woods by Regan Dawes
“What if the squirrels were, like, their own private surveillance squad?” Benny suggested, only to hear a few groans and chuckles from around the campfire. The campers had all gone home for the week, leaving the counselors sitting around a brightly blazing fire, telling weird stories and drinking booze.
“And who would the squirrels be watching us for?” Reilly asked sarcastically, “Is there some head honcho squirrel sitting around headquarters, just waiting to hear what the human world is like?”
Everyone laughed and Benny shook his head, “No, that’s ridiculous.” He paused for dramatic effect before continuing, “It’s the government.” This was met with more groans.
Ally face-palmed, “Here we go again.”
“Hear me out, hear me out,” Benny started, gesturing wildly and taking another sip of his beer, “For all the normal surveillence, the government just uses, you know, like, phones and stuff. But here at Wild Woods, we’re totally off the grid, right? We don’t even have wifi. So how do they keep tabs on us?”
"Surveillance squirrels?” Mary asked, playing along.
“Surveillance squirrels.” Benny repeated in confirmation.
Jake, the last of the group, shook his head, “I dunno man, that sounds kinda… nuts.”
Everyone cracked up at the horrible pun at Benny’s expense. Benny shook his head and chuckled along.
He took one last swig of beer and stood, “I’m gonna go get another beer. Anyone want anything?”
Mary lifted her near-empty can enthusiastically, “More Truly please!”
“More Truly coming up,” Benny said as he walked away from the group. He heard another round of chuckles, which brought a warm smile to his face. Not everyone was so lucky to find amazing friends like these in the middle of nowhere.
He made his way to the tall wooden dining hall, moving slowly to look up at the trees. During the day, the beautiful, strong trees had bright sunlight peeking through their branches, giving everything a warm, inviting glow. They looked different in the dark. More mysterious and foreboding. Benny loved them all the same.
When he made it to the stoop of the dining hall, he opened the double doors and waltzed inside, humming a song from the group’s earlier karaoke session. He moved past the round tables where kids would usually be eating and into the back kitchen. He opened the refrigerator door and light washed over the dark room. He took out a bottle of beer and a can of Truly, when there were sounds of skittering behind him. Benny turned rapidly, almost dropping the alcohol, to find nothing. Just the empty kitchen in the dark.
He shook his head. Must be the alcohol and the exhaustion, he thought warily. After two weeks straight of counseling kids, the tiredness was starting to set in. He moved through the dining hall and back through the double doors when he saw tiny furry bodies waiting for him on the stoop. He laughed, “Hey little guys, sorry, no beer for you.”
The squirrels simply stared at him for a moment and he stared back before more and more squirrels jumped out from the trees and bushes, more squirrels than Benny had ever seen at one time. They formed a perfect circle around Benny and a chubbier squirrel with a speaker strapped on his chest stepped to the front of the crowd. Benny didn’t know whether to scream or laugh. The speaker emitted a deep voice, “Benny Moreno?” it questioned.
“Y-y-yes,” he answered.
The squirrel twitched and the speaker continued, “You will be brought in for questioning immediately for your knowledge of classified government operations.”
“Wait,” Benny started, “Wait, is this about the surveillance squirrels?” He asked, excited, “I knew it was real! I knew it!” he felt a pinprick in his neck and his vision started to blur, “I…knew…it.” The bottle and the can dropped to the ground.
Back at the campfire, Reilly crossed her arms and shivered, “Wonder what’s taking Benny so long?” she questioned, looking in the bright flames.
Jake shrugged and replied with a laugh, “Maybe the squirrels got him.”